Paying it Forward

As many of you know, Keith served his mission in Haiti and after his mission he really didn't have much opportunity to use the Haitian Creole language.  I thought he had pretty much lost it after 20+ years away from it.  Well, about 3 years ago the Montfleurey family moved into our ward.  They were recent converts.  Keith was immediately assigned to be their home teacher.  He was pretty rusty at speaking Creole at first but the Montfleurey's were so grateful to have the gospel taught in their own language in their home.  He found that the language came back quickly and soon he was able to teach whole lessons in Creole.  Of course they have become dear friends of ours through Keith's service to them. 

Well about 8 months ago, Michelien's sister, Laura, and her family came from Haiti and moved in with them.  Laura had been a member but was inactive and her husband, John, was Catholic.  They have two beautiful daughters, Leid and Letitia.  Before long this newly emigrated family was attending church with the Montfleurey family.  Keith started including them in the home-teaching visits and soon they were asking to have the missionary discussions.  Keith was asked to come to all of them to translate and I got to come along to some of them.  I was so impressed as I watched Keith perform this service.  The Spirit was very strong in those meetings. I loved watching Leid and Letitia who were quickly becoming quite proficient at English but they still seemed to light up as they understood the teaching when Keith translated it for them.   John is a quiet, thoughtful man and he was careful to take time to fully understand what the missionaries were teaching them. After several months, John was ready to be baptized and a date was set to baptize him and his two daughters.  He asked Keith to baptize and confirm them.

I watched in amazement as Keith spoke at the baptism of this family in both English and Creole.  He would speak a sentence or two in Creole and then say it again in English.  All the people in attendance were able to hear and understand the words.  He baptized them in the same manner-English and Creole.  Then on Sunday, during Sacrament meeting, Keith confirmed them.  So many in the ward expressed gratitude that they could be a part of that confirmation.  John and Laura were so grateful that they were able to have those ordinances performed in their own language.  Michalien commented that she had had a hard time understanding all that was said at her own family's baptism and wished that Keith had been there.

Still their hometeacher, Keith found that Leid and Letitia wanted to learn to play the piano.  The finances in that household are very tight.  Keith talked with Sandra to see how she would feel about teaching those girls piano.  He told her that they wouldn't be able to pay.  Sandra was only reluctant because she didn't know if she could teach but she was willing to give of her time and try it.  She remembered that her Aunt Heather had given her that same service and had blessed her life with the gift of music.  Sandra isn't currently taking lessons since life is ridiculously busy all around but she still sits down about once a week to play hymns or songs she has worked on.

Sandra gives a half-hour lesson to Leid and Letitia every Monday afternoon.  I like to listen in from around the corner.  She is patient and kind just like her Aunt was with her.  Last Monday we had the Angenou family over for Family Home Evening and a recital from the girls.  Keith taught the lesson (in both languages) then Sandra conducted the recital.  She made that yummy pumpkin dessert which we devoured after the recital then we went down and watched The Blind Side-my new favorite movie.

Can I just say that I am pretty dang proud of my family?!

Easter...

In the last few years I have really tried to make Easter a time of serious reflection on the Atonement and Resurrection of our Savior.  When our children were little we would always give some attention to the real reason for the season by having a special family home evening or making "Easter Cookies" with Grandma but the Easter Bunny and his yummy baskets and the thrill of the hunt seemed to win out over thoughts of the last week of our Savior's life. Well, a few years ago, after a conversation with my sister Amy, I resolved to do a better job of showing my gratitude to my Savior for his amazing sacrifice.  Amy grew up in a wonderfully religious Catholic home.  The Easter traditions of the Catholic church are extensive and beautiful.  They don't just have a special dinner on Easter Sunday they have ceremonies and masses for something like 6 weeks before Easter - starting with Ash Wednesday and Lent and continuing until Palm Sunday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday.  I found Amy's description of the Stations of the Cross ceremony so interesting.  I decided that my family needed to move away from the worldly traditions and start using Easter to renew our committment to think of Christ more often and more deeply.

We are commanded to “remember” or be in “remembrance” of our Savior and His Doctrine some 278 times throughout the scriptures. We, who are baptized, covenant each week during the sacrament to “Always remember Him” (D&C 20:77,79). An active member of the church will make and renew that covenant some 3000 times in their lifetime. How on earth do we keep this covenant? President Monson pointed out our dilemma when he said:


Prepare time for Him in our lives and room for Him in our hearts. In these busy days there are many who have time for golf, time for shopping, time for work, time for play—but no time for Christ. Lovely homes . . . provide rooms for eating, rooms for sleeping, playrooms, sewing rooms, television rooms, but no room for Christ. . . . Do we flush with embarrassment when we remember, “And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.” (Luke 2:7.) No room. No room. No room. Ever has it been. (Thomas S. Monson, “The Search for Jesus,” Ensign, December 1990, 4–5. )

What does it mean to “always” remember him. That seems an incredible task given our busy lives full of activities that are good and productive but require mental energy and keep us thinking of subjects other than our Savior and His atoning sacrifice. Jacob’s son Enos would spend all day praying. That is certainly one way to “always” remember him but I am pretty sure that we are not required to do that every day in order to keep this covenant. As I have thought about how I can do a better job of keeping the commandment to “always remember Him” I came up with a few ideas that I would like to share with you that help me to keep this covenanant.

First, I think Alma gave us some ideas in Alma 34: 17-27 and in 37:37 when he told us that we should be calling on Him all day - in our closets, over our fields, for our neighbors welfare, in all our doings we should council with Him...we don’t have to be on our knees every time we call on Him. I think that a silent prayer of gratitude when we get to a destination safely or see a beautiful scene or we remember something or find something allows us opportunity to recognize His hand in all that we do. A short silent plea for help as we have a crucial conversation or find ourselves in the middle of something uncomfortable, tempting or depressing allows us to seek His council often.

Second, Moses 6:63 states: “And behold, all things have their likeness, and all things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me.” So, I started to look around at things that I come in contact with every day and tried to find a way that they could represent or point to our Savior. That way, whenever I see them I will be reminded of Him–sort of like a string around the finger. Here are a few things that I came up with. Maybe you can add to them.

Everyday Things That Testify of Christ:

Sun-source of life, energy, power

Water -Rev 22:17, John 7:37, 2 Ne22:3 life-giving, represents His blood-spilt for us

Bread-nourishes and strengthens, Bread from heaven, bread of life (John 6:30-58) , represents His flesh-laid down for us.

coal/diamond ring- w e are like the black coal but through Christ we can become perfect and pure like the diamond. The ring is circular-without beginning or end.

chain/rope/twine- Christ frees us from the bonds of sin and death, breaks the chains that drag us to hell. Christ was bound and dragged before Pilate.

egg- symbol of Easter, the resurrection, new life

sword-The Spirit of Christ is the Sword-our only weapon in our armor of God

scissors- faith in Christ in one blade and our works is the other.

neosporin-ointment, healing, cleansing

vinegar-bitter cup, vinegar given to Christ on the cross

nail- reminds us of his crucifixion

cup- the bitter cup that Christ drank in our behalf

sponge- cleansing, wipe away sins, used to give Christ vinegar

red cloth-the blood of His sacrifice, the scarlet robe placed on him by centurions.

white cloth- purity, cleansing power, the savior was wrapped in white after crucifixtion

dice- they cast lots for His clothing.

bay leaf/spices- Life would be meaningless and unsavory without the Savior’s atonement. Mary and the other women came to anoint his body with spices after His crucifixtion.

fruit- represents the Savior’s love for us (Lehi’s Dream), Christ was the first fruit of the resurrection.

retainer-Mosiah 4:26 Repent and apply the Atonement daily even after being “straightened” so we can retain that forgiveness.

light bulb-Christ is the light of the world, more than two hundred references in the scriptures refer to Christ , His Spirit, or His gospel as Light. He is the source of all light.

broom/soap/bleach- Jacob 5:66 “and thus will I sweep away the bad out of my vineyard”, 3Ne24:2 “He is like...fuller’s soap”, washing, purifying, whitening.

wheat-we want to be His wheat-not His tares

keys- Christ’s priesthood and power, He bestows the keys to His power to worthy priesthood holders.

puzzle- we can’t complete the puzzle without a picture to look at. Christ is the picture that we try to copy and piece together in our own lives.

eye glasses-Christ’s gospel helps us with our perspective. We can see the important things more clearly

rock- Christ is our rock. Our foundation

pillow/blanket- He does not leave us comfortless. He wraps us in His love and sends the Holy Ghost to guide and comfort.

faucet- He is the source of Living Water.

washing machine- the wash cycle can be hard on clothes but when they go through it they are cleansed. The rinse cycle replaces dirty water with fresh clean water. Sometimes we have to go through a spin cycle.

The Canning Process- First sterilize the jars (repentance), then fill them with food (Christ’s gospel, His light, His example), then Seal them so that the good stuff stays in the jar and impurities stay out of the jar.

I am sure there are many other ideas.  If you have some leave a comment and tell me what you thought of.

I want to do a better job of keeping my covenant to “always remember Him.”

This year for Easter we got out the set of pictures and a program that Keith's mom gave us years ago.  Each evening at scripture time starting on Palm Sunday, we would read about what the Savior did on that day.  We tried to learn an applicable lesson from each thing the Savior did during His last week .  It is nice to have older children to have such great discussions with.  We learn from them as much as they learn from us.  On Good Friday we went to the temple with my Jared and Heather and my Lyndi and Andy.  I love the temple. 

An idea for an Easter Family Home Evening:
Gather 12 plastic eggs and label each egg with the numbers 1-12. Place the following items in each egg and along with a strip of paper with the quote.
1. Sacrament cup: “And He went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my father, if it be possible , let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt. Matthew 26:39"
2. Three dimes: “Then one of the twelve, called Judas Iscariot, went unto the chief priests, and said unto them, what will ye give me, and I will deliver Him unto you? And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces fo silver. Matt. 26:14-15. This fulfilled the prophecy in Zechariah 11:12-14 that Jesus would be sold for 30 pieces of silver.”
3. Knotted twine: “When the morning was com, all the chief priests and elders of the people took counsel against Jesus to put him to death: And when they had bound him, they led him away, and delivered him to Pontius Pilate the governor. Matthew 27:1-2"
4. Chunk of soap: “When Pilate saw that he could prevail nothing, but that rather a tumult was made, he took water, and washed his hands before the multitude saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person; see ye to it. Then answered all the people and said, His blood be on us, and our children. Then released he Barabbas unto them: and when he had scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified. Matt. 27:24-26 Do we all wash our hands?”
5. Square of red material, thorns, small stick: “And they stripped Him, and put on Him a scarlet robe. And when they had platted a crown of thorns, they put it upon His head, and a reed His hand; and they bowed the knee before Him, and mocked Him, saying, Hail, King of the Jews! And they spit upon Him, and took the reed, and smote Him on the head. Matthew 27:28-30"
6. Small cross made of toothpicks, small nail: “And after that they had mocked Him, they took the robe off from Him and put His own raiment on Him and led Him away to crucify Him. And as they came out, they found a man of Cyrene, Simon by name: him they compelled to bear His cross. Matt. 27:31-32 And He was crucified...nailed to the cross. Press this nail into your hand...feel how it must have hurt.”
7. Pair of die: “And they crucified Him, and parted his garments, casting lots: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet, They parted my garments among them, and upon my vesture did they cast lots. And sitting down, they watched him there. Math 27:35-36"
8. Piece of sponge on stick: “And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, ...My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?. . . And straightway one of them ran, and took a sponge, and filled it with vinegar, and put it on a reed, and gave him to drink. Matt 27:46,48"
9. Tiny bag of rocks and dirt: “Jesus, when He had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost. . .and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent. Now when the centurion and they that were with him, watching Jesus, saw the earthquake and those things that were done, they feared greatly, saying truly this was the Son of God. Matt 27:50,51,54"
10. A strip of white cloth and a stone: “(Then Joseph, a rich man and disciple of Jesus) went to Pilate and begged the body of Jesus. Then Pilate commanded the body to be delivered. And when Joseph had taken the body, he wrapped it in a clean linen cloth, and laid it in his own new tomb, which he had hewn out in the rock: and he rolled a great stone to the door of the sepulchre, and departed. The chief priests and pharisees came together and made the sepulchre sure, sealing the stone, and setting a watch lest His disciples come by night and steal him away and say unto the people, He is risen from the dead. Matt27:57-60,64,66"
11. Bay leaf or bag of spices: “And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary, the mother of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him. And, behold, there was a great earthquake: for the angel of the Lord descended from heaven, and cme and rolled back the stone from the door, and sat upon it. And the angel. . .said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. Mark 16:1, Matt28:2,5"
12. empty: “He is not here: For He is risen, as he said. Matt 28:6"

On March 6...

So the week of my mother's funeral we got a call from the executive secretary of the Stake Presidency. The President would like to see both of us please. On Tuesday I went to class. On Wednesday I was preparing. On Thursday was Mom's funeral and on Friday we were having the graveside. The earliest that we could both be at the Stake Presidency's office was Saturday, March 6th. We had all week to speculate on what the calling would be. Keith was pretty sure that it would be an interview to be ordained a high priest. I told him what would be the point if you weren't going to be called into the bishopric. Keith thought that Bishop Saffell would not be wanting to call him away from his Financial Clerk job since everybody- including the stake auditor- raves about how great Keith is at that job.


Saturday morning we dressed in our Sunday best and were greeted at the stake offices where we were separately interview first then brought together in the Stake President's office. I was right. Keith is now the 2nd counselor in the bishopric. When we were all together in President Webb's office, of course he had to warn me that this would be a big sacrifice on the part of the whole family and started to enumerate the many sacrifices that involved me. I was nodding that it was okay as he told me that Keith had to spend a lot of time away from the family. It was okay that there were going to be confidential things that Keith could not share with me. It was okay that Keith wouldn't be sitting by me in church. It was okay that Keith would have to be clean shaven...wait...What?! That is when I stopped nodding. "Excuse me, what did you just say? Are you sure?" The president gestured to the pictures of the First Presidency and pointed out that they are our example and see how they do not have beards. Keith squeezed my hand and widened his eyes at me as he said, "its okay, I can do that." I had to bite back and swallow the comments that were struggling to be spewed out..."Well, they don't look as good with facial hair as my Keith does." "Where in the scriptures does it say that church leaders can't have facial hair?" "Jesus had facial hair. So did Brigham Young, Heber J. Grant, Joseph F. Smith, and several other prophets." "Twenty Two years, dude. That is how long I have known Keith and he has always had facial hair." "I don't know how to kiss a guy with out facial hair!"

...I will go and do the things which the Stake President hath commanded for I know that the Stake President giveth no commandments unto the members of his stake save he adamantly feels that they are absolutely crucial to the salvation of their souls and had better be hearkened to...okay, I know, I am being facetious and sarcastic and that is not very becoming. It HAS been hard to get used to kissing that boy. His lips are too smooth and remind me of kissing plastic or rubber or...the leather couch-yeah, that’s it. Not that I kiss the couch–much.

One thing that was important to Keith in all this was that his Priesthood line of Authority remain intact. His parents are currently serving a mission in the Fresno Mission office. They stay at home but they basically work 40 - 50 hours a week serving the mission as financial clerk and secretary. Keith really wanted to have his dad do the ordination but was also glad that my dad is someone that he loves and admires and would be glad to have him step in if his dad couldn’t be there. To our surprise and pleasure Bev and Ray hopped on a plane Friday night and stayed until Tuesday. It was such a generous gift of their time and resources.

On Sunday morning at 7:45 (!) we gathered in the Stake High Council room. My dad had gotten up early and arrived from Gunnison at 7:30. In addition to Keith parents and my dad, there were our beautiful children and our dear friends, Melinda and Ted Whitaker. Bret Hawkes, who was being set apart as the other counselor was also there with his wife Pheobe and their youngest boy, Stan. Ray gave Keith a beautiful blessing after he ordained him. That man prays so beautifully. His prayer language is almost lyrical and the Spirit was strong. Keith was then set apart by President Stephenson (counselor) who also has a beautiful spirit about him which is gentle yet powerful. Keith’s hair was thoroughly mashed after both of those blessings. ;0)

We came home and had waffles with strawberries and whipped cream. Delicious. My quiet dad, still raw, watched a bit of a Western Movie while I fixed breakfast then ate with us. He was pleasant but quiet. He went to see Princess Alexis for a bit before meeting us at Heidi’s ward for Spencer’s Homecoming talk. Our Spence has grown up. He’s a good guy.

Bev and Ray joined our crowd at Heidi’s for a dinner then visited President Camp (counselor in Stake Presidency) who had served his mission in Fresno when Ray was Ward Mission Leader.

I went to work on Monday and while I was gone Keith was spoiled and treated by his parents all day. He was taken shopping and they purchased two suits, several socks, four ties, three white shirts and probably other things that I am missing. Needless to say, Keith felt very special and grateful and a bit emotional about the whole thing. Monday night the generosity of the Snows continued as the whole family was treated to an amazing dinner at Olive Garden and we so enjoyed the food which was almost as good as the conversation and company.

Keith was even taken by his parents to get several pairs of new underwear on the way to the airport on Tuesday afternoon. He was very reluctant to let them go home. Their tender ministrations had really buoyed him up and he feels extra love every time he pulls on one of the clothing items they gave him.

I can witness that the mantel of the bishopric calling is real and almost tangible. Keith seems to fit into this calling very naturally and has even seemed very comfortable at the pulpit conducting. He has never really enjoyed speaking in public yet the mantle has fallen on his shoulders and he is spiritually fortified to perform all the many aspects of his calling. He said that he has had the opportunity to greatly increase the number of blessings that he gives and that his confidence in receiving revelation during those blessings has increased as he puts his priesthood to use.

Keith, I love you and I am proud of you. 

I haven't been able to sit down to post for a while now. Not just because I have been very busy but because I am having a hard time verbalizing anything personal right now. The last blog post was not exactly about me or my family so it was easy.   I just wanted to write about the last few months.  I may have some of the details wrong or mis-persceived...  This is strictly journaling and it is very long.  Don't feel obligated to read this post.   You could skip to the very last paragraph maybe.


At the beginning of January 2010 I started my first class at the University of Utah. I am working toward that Master's degree. I was so excited to get started and I had a scholarship to boot. On the second day of class as I was walking through campus in the dark, my sweet brother Chad called from the Huntsman center where he was gearing up for another round against his cancer monster of 12 years. He was very sad-not because he was concerned over himself but because he found out that mom's cancer was much more serious than we were led to believe. All along we had been expecting the miracle and thinking that we had some time since our experience with cancer was Chad's cancer which has been a part of our family for such a long time. After class all my siblings met at Todd's house and Chad gave us the news not only about himself but also about Mom. Needless to say we were devastated. We had watched mom come through two very vicious battles with that monster and had apparently been victorious. At Christmas she started to feel the same pain in her abdomen and back creeping up. Tests showed that cancer was gaining momentum and she began preparations for another round of chemo. Her first infusion of taxol seemed similar to the last chemo. She felt pretty good during and right after. During the weekend some of us went down to Gunnison and she seemed just fine. Then Monday proved to be another story. She had tremendous bone ache and nausea and what little hair had grown back suddenly fell out seemingly all at once. This lasted several days. Another appointment for an infusion was set for Thursday, January 28 which she was NOT looking forward to.

January 21 was Mom's 67th birthday. Still young. Several of the boys went down, including Chad, with their littles and they had a fun day with Mom. We had already planned to have a family dinner at Applebees to celebrate her birthday (and Keith's) on Saturday, January 23. Mom had given us all gift cards so essentially she was taking us all out for her birthday.

Mom and Dad came into town Friday night and Saturday morning Keith and I had the beautiful privilege of attending the temple with them. It was a treasured experience. Mom and I held hands during most of the session. As I reflect on it, I think she knew that this would be her last time in the temple. She made little whispered comments like "I think you should have this apron. Grandma Zelda made it." and when it came to the end, tears were running down her face and she had a hard time speaking. Surprisingly she was not too tired after the session but I made her lay down until dinner anyway.

During dinner she was lively and talkative. We are quite the noisy crowd of love anyway. We filled up a large area of the restaurant and Mom worked her way around to each of us and chatted and took pictures. I noticed that she didn't eat much. Dad finished off her plate. She cried when we gave her the birthday book. I am glad we all contributed to that. She was also delighted with the birthday cards that Kayden and Jace made. After dinner, Mom and Dad got set to take off. She had a pained look in her eye. The day had definitely taken its toll and she was tired. The pain was starting to escalate.

Dad had a hard time getting on top of that pain for her. He spent sleepless nights as she cried out in pain and began vomiting. The hospital gave her demerol on Sunday and sent her back home. This alleviated the pain for a few hours but by Monday Dad had to admit her so that they could hook her up to a morphine pump and get ahead of the pain.

She stayed in the hospital until Wednesday night then Thursday morning they made the trek up to the Cancer Center. I went with them. Poor mom was very sleepy. Morphine takes her into that waking-dream sort of state. She had to drink a bottle of chalk before the scan so she would doze, wake to drink, doze, wake to drink, doze, call out nonsense words then wake up fully and be annoyed with herself for speaking nonsense. During a few of the "fully awake" moments she put her hand on my arm and said, "Wendy, you need to get me false eyelashes." This woman is a true lady. She always looks her best and she was concerned that she wouldn't have eyelashes in her casket.

After the scan we headed over to consult with Dr. Glenn. Mom was in and out of consciousness but at least didn't seem to be in too much pain. She had a few break-through episodes of pain and Dad gave her some oral morphine which seemed to help. When Dr. Glenn came in after examining the scans she said, "Well, I do not have good news. The blood tests and the scans show that the cancer did not respond at all to taxol– infact they are worse." Mom hardly seemed to flinch. She knew. Dad seemed numb and didn't have much to say. My heart was in my toes and my head was swirling but I managed to ask the questions that Todd and I had worked out the night before. We talked about how it was unbelievable that her cancer had responded the first time to chemo and that its non-response to chemo this time around was not unexpected. She said that further chemo would just hurt not help. Pain management is the name of the game now. By now, Chad had joined us. He was here for a preliminary infusion of his own. After making sure we had no more questions she referred us to Shane Brogan, an anesthesiologist and cancer pain specialist. We set an appointment for 9 am the next morning (Friday).

Mom and Dad headed to Amy’s house. I sat with and cried with Chad for a bit before I headed to my class at the U. After my class, I met my family over at Amy’s house to sit with mom a bit. She was still dozey but responded to the cute littles and let Seth hold her for a while on the couch. I helped her wash and get her pjs on and tucked her into bed. She kept saying “thank you” and “I am sorry I’m so loopy” and “I sure didn’t think I would be like this at the end.”

I came back at 7am to get her dressed and put her make-up on. She looked pretty good. She is such a pretty lady. Dr. Brogan, a young, quiet Irishman looked at the scans and determined that a nerve block was not an option but an intrathecal delivery pump could be implanted to give her a constant drip of pain medication delivered directly to her spinal fluid. She would have to go off cumiden for a week before the surgery could be done. We set up an appointment for the next Thursday. Chad was able to be with us for most of our visit with Dr. Brogan but he had to go back for another part of his treatment. We went to find him when we were finished. On the way mom found the wig spot. We went into the nearby bathroom to try them on. It was pretty fun. When mom saw herself in the mirror she giggled and said, “ha! Wendy, I never wear my eyebrows like this!” What a cutie!

Mom and Dad headed home and so did I. Sandra and I packed up and went down to Gunnison too. I got to spend the weekend caring for my mom. Sandra swept floors, dusted, cleaned bathrooms and talked with Grandma when she was awake. Justin, Chad and Heidi came down Saturday morning. Heidi tried to alleviate some of Mom’s fears about the bills but that proved to be a little hard to do as they tried to get them paid while mom dissolved into tears. Mom had smiles for Bailey though. That girl is just too cute. I finished her last home movie dvd. Mom had been working so hard to stay up to date with all her videos. What a treasure. Everybody left around 2pm including Sandra.

It was nice and quiet for a little while. Just mom and me. She seemed desperate to tell me stories about her jewelry, or momentos or what ever. “You always wanted this wedding ring, Wendy, you better take it now.” I couldn’t. I was still in a state of “hoping for the miracle.” I was so looking forward to the surgery on Thursday. I was just sure that she would be pain free and be able to go and do fun things. Her organs were all functioning properly and she is such a strong woman. I thought that when the pain was gone she could be normal for quite a while at least. Dad and I did a good job of keeping up with the pain until Saturday night when we were getting her ready for bed. Then she had an episode which really sent her. I took her temperature and she was at 101. This frightened her and she wanted to go to the hospital. Dad and I packed her up and took her in. She was admitted and hooked up to the morphine pump again. I was so sad. I wished I had been able to keep her at home. It was killing us to leave her at the hospital that night. Dad said, “I feel like I’ve got the stuffing kicked right out of me.” I was going to be leaving Sunday afternoon and I was very reluctant to go. Todd came down Sunday morning, breakfast in tow. Dad had gotten up early and headed over to the hospital. I waited around for Todd and then the two of us headed over. Dad looked like he hadn’t slept much even though it was very quiet through the night. Dad decided to take a walk and clear his head for a while since we were there to watch over mom. Mom was a bit dozey but was able to tell us what songs she wanted sung at her funeral and what wig she wanted to wear and that she wanted to wear her wedding dress. It was hard to talk about her funeral but it kept her mind off her pain and seemed to keep her alert as she talked about it. She expressed a lot of concern and fear over Dad. She was a worrier to the end. She worried about Savannah having to lose her Grandma when she had already lost her little sister. She worried about me riding Trax and having big black dudes try to pick me up (this had already happened twice and I made the mistake of telling mom which set off the worry motor in mom's brain). “Carry wasp killer.” she said, “That stuff will spray them in the eye from 20 feet away.” She worried about each of us for one reason or another. It was really hard to leave her that afternoon.

She stayed in the hospital until Wednesday night again. With no small effort, Dad arranged for her to check in the night before her procedure so they didn’t have to be away from the hospital too long. He even went over to Richfield to pick up a portable morphine pump. Luckily Todd was there to meet Dad and help them to check in. Mom’s legs were very weak. Morphine does that. She still was in great pain. Todd was there all day the next day during and after the surgery. When she woke up it appeared that our prayers had been answered. The pain was under control. She didn’t have that pain tremor in her voice. She was awake and alert. We started to plan a family trip. Surely she could take that trip that she had been looking forward to for so long. That trip and a big family picture were the top two items on her “bucket list.”

She had a great weekend. Some of us went down there to be with her. Chrissy and Lauri drove into town and spent the week with her. They had a nice time looking at pictures, talking about old times, watching movies. Hospice started coming that week. I joined them on Friday. Those girls are fun to hang out and chat with. During the week, mom had needed increasing amounts of the “bolus” delivery-the extra dose for break-through pain. Dad arranged to meet a nurse from the Huntsman to adjust her dosages on the pump. This helped but just temporarily. Her appetite had started to slide. Still, Chrissy had been able to get her to eat little meals throughout the day. She started to sleep in the downstairs room and Lauri had had to get up with her in the night to help her get that bolus. I took the night shift Friday. Lauri still got up. The girls left Saturday morning. Mom was very sad to see them go. I think all the sisters knew that that was the last they would see each other. I got to take care of my beautiful Mother through the weekend. Mom had a hard time forcing herself to eat and drink.

My family joined us Saturday afternoon. Dad asked Keith if he would take over the bills. This had been causing mom great anxiety and she was just sure Dad wouldn’t do it so Dad told her he would let Keith do it. Mom remained very lucid while she explained her system to Keith. Of course my brilliant husband caught on quick and soon my mom was profusely expressing her gratitude and relief. She even had enough energy to watch a game of Sequence. On Sunday we had to give her more doses of oral morphine to make up for the time we couldn’t give the bolus. We found out that that pump would lock us out after the 7th dose in 24 hours. This caused a 5 hour gap between bolus delivery. This was not adequate for controlling the pain. Keith took care of all the cooking while he was down there so I could just attend to my mom. Dad and I had a system worked out. I would take the night shift so he could sleep then he’d wake up at 7 am and I would sleep until 10 or so. Keith had breakfast cooked and ready before I woke up. We went to church. When we got home mom had more business to talk to Keith about and she seemed pretty good. She was a bit dozey due to the extra morphine. President’s Day brought more siblings and a family dinner. Mom was a gracious, sweet, patient host even though pain was starting to take over. She had an appointment for a check up with Dr. Brogan that week and this time Dad was going to make sure that the dosage was enough.

Dr. Brogan adjusted the baseline dose to equal the original bolus dose and programed the pump to allow 8 bolus in 24 hours. This of coursed weakened her legs considerably and a walker was necessary. I came back down on Friday (2-19). I am so grateful that my family allowed me to do this. I cherish those weekends with my mom and dad. Mom had really deteriorated through this week – not just physically but emotionally as well. She knew that this was it. She was not going to get strong enough to do anything fun before she was called Home. She stopped trying to force herself to eat–not even the Ensure. She was terrified of break-through pain and had anxiety over keeping up with the bolus doses. She began vomiting up any food that she managed to intake. She would pretend to drink but usually wouldn’t swallow. I needed to go home to see my Seth and Sandra go to their school Sweethearts dance. Justin, Aaron and Todd came down to take the night shift. On Sunday the 21st my family drove down to spend the day. We found Jared and Heidi’s family came as well. We arrived just after Jared had given mom a blessing of release. All of us were there to hold and love mom. She was very sleepy. She would surface sometimes and say, “oh, I am still here.” or “I just don’t know how to do it.” (Meaning pass away). Mom pretty much stayed in bed the whole day. She let my kids each have a turn cuddling with her and she would acknowledge them and talk a bit with them. Austin seemed to plant himself on the chair next to the bed and spent quite a bit of time there. It was very hard to leave that evening. Heidi stayed.

By Tuesday Mom wouldn’t eat at all. I talked to dad at around 4 pm. He had been counseled by Todd and Dr. Inouye not to start IV fluids and to remove the oxygen as it was just prolonging the inevitable. Lisa was coming into town and he was planning on waiting for her. He really felt like she was taking her last breaths. She made it through the night and Lisa’s excellent nursing skills and Aaron and Jared attended her all night. Wednesday afternoon Todd picked me up and we (all the siblings) gathered around her that night. The eight of us kept vigil all night long. Her breathing was labored and she mostly kept her eyes closed but she seemed to know exactly who was there and cracked a smile or two when her rowdy boys got to giggling about some memory or another as we all knelt around her bed holding her hands or touching her feet or legs. (Just so I don’t forget the story surrounding it; I will write one thing cute that mom said: “I don’t know what ‘cranky face’ is. What is ‘cranky face’?” (Cranky Phase) and hopefully Todd will help me remember the story). She also got up enough energy to say, “Don’t fall apart.” and repeated it several times. Like I said, she worried about us until her very last breath. Dad had a hard time watching her at this point. “If the Lord is going to take her, why must she suffer so long?”

I caught maybe an hour of sleep on the couch with Heidi. I had a hard time shutting down. Mom called out at about 4:45 am and Dad and I spent the next hour and a half in the room with her so Lisa could sleep a bit and Todd could shower. At this time she stopped being able to swallow. This meant that the oral morphine was not an option anymore and the pain was constant now. Todd, Heidi, Aaron and I were planning to leave around 6am to go to work. Aaron wanted to get his car and come back down. We decided that we needed to call the Hospice nurse and get permission for injections. Lisa’s conversation with the nurse resulted in the decision to give mom injections of demerol. Lisa and the nurse knew that that would result in further respiratory depression and that mom would likely pass that day. Jared was awakened and sent to the hospital for syringes and demerol.

I did not feel bad about leaving. I felt I had said my goodbye. I had cared for her as much as I could during those last weeks. I did not feel like I needed to be there to watch her take her last breath. Jared, Justin, Lisa, Aaron and Chad were all going to be there. I slept pretty much all the way home while Todd drove that cold Thursday morning. Before I fell asleep, though, we realized that it was Dad’s birthday (2-25) and none of us had mentioned it to him. We felt bad but later found that it was a good thing. Dad didn’t want anyone to mention it. “Just let it slide by this year.”

I was at work when my Keith called to tell me that Mom was gone. It was around 10:30 am. My students were watching a video. I went home. Keith held me on the couch for the rest of the morning.

I didn’t go down to Gunnison again until Sunday. I worked on Mom’s slide show. That wonderful woman had scanned and organized all the photos that she wanted in her slide show and all I had to do was build the show and add music. It still took me quite a few hours as I color corrected, zoomed and panned each picture. Chad and Robin were with Dad and I am so grateful for that. Friday was dinner at my house and we discussed the funeral Dad had planned so beautifully. Saturday was more work on the dvd. It was therapeutic. I printed several pictures at Costco and framed them for the display. I think I picked the right ones.

Todd came with my family to Gunnison where we ate breakfast with Chad and Robin before they left to get their kids and bring them back. Dad went to church with us. We surrounded him in “snow-flake” formation to buffer him from the sweet well-wishers of his ward. Some still got to him and he had a hard time keeping it together. Dad was very open and sweet all day and he sat and talked with Todd and me and my family. We sat around him most of the day. Dad looked at Todd when he spoke to him. Several friends came to visit and he received them graciously. At the end of the evening, Dad and Todd embraced.

Dad spent the first night alone in his house that night. I think Lisa came down Monday night and then Chad and Robin were back after that. Wednesday I picked up Heidi, Lisa, Robin and Amy and we traveled to the mortuary to dress Mom. Shawna and Heather worked with all the grandkids at Heidi’s to help them learn “I Know That My Savior Loves Me,” a song requested by Mom to be sung at her funeral. Dressing Mom was a sweet quiet time that allowed us girls to serve Mom one last time. I brought the false eyelashes as per her request but I couldn’t bring myself to use them. I think I did a great job on her make-up and I even got her eyebrows right this time. She looked very much at peace– no more pain in her face. Mom had a tradition of putting a mint in her mouth at the end of the temple endowment ceremony. I made sure she had a small mint in her hand when we were all finished. We joked about putting her St. Patrick’s Day socks on but decided that was not appropriate temple wear.

Thurday, March 4th was the beautiful funeral of my extraordinarily beautiful mom. My Seth prayed so sincerely, my brothers spoke eloquently, my children sang like angels, my husband was fabulous as he sang Dad’s favorite song, “Through the Years.” while Dad sobbed. The lunch following was nice and comforting. I was extremely exhausted and slept well that night for the first time in quite a while.

Friday, March 5th, the weather matched my mood. It was a silvery day with light snow flurries. We received a significant amount of snow during the night. This meant that our big family picture had to be done inside instead of outside like we planned. Dad hardly flinched when Gary and Todd sat for their picture. We headed over to the cemetery where it continued to snow but only lightly and it was not windy or even cold. We could have stood there all day while people spoke of my mother in beautiful, happy, loving ways. I think Dad, and all of us, needed that.

I want you to know that I have a hopeful testimony of the Great Plan of Happiness. I have a Hope in Christ and I believe so strongly that I will see my Mother again thanks to Christ’s unimaginable sacrifice and Atonement for us. I hate that she left the Earth so early and I feel a bit robbed but I know this pain will ease with time and I am committed to live my life righteously so that I can talk her ear off again someday. No one is left to worry about me the way my mom worried about me. No one is left that finds such joy in stories about my children the way my mom did. But I have my amazing husband and remarkable children and my wonderful brothers and my sweet sisters. And I have my Daddy. My Super Hero. My strong-as-an-ox Father.